This isn't Forever
by Rushi-Sama
Summary: Neji Hyuga has always been fascinated by Itachi Uchiha, and vice versa. But Neji's slightly less than thrilled when he finds out that Itachi's long term plans don't exactly involve him. ItaNeji. Hints of onesided NejiTen. Switches between Neji and Itachi's POVs. Shounen-ai. Yaoi. Pretty fluffy, but sad. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

I scuffed my sandals around in the dirt. I was out again, past curfew, past the Konoha boundaries. Sometimes I wanted some space and a little self-pity; now was one of those times.

I walked slowly back towards the village. I hoped no one had come looking for me yet; I wasn't in the mood for lectures and punishment. All I wanted was to sometimes make my own choices. All I wanted was a little freedom to do my own thing…

_Shit._

In the darkening evening light, I noticed a figure, watching me. _How long has he been there,_ I thought. Bracing myself for a lecture, I turned to face the person I was sure would be someone out looking for me from the main family.

It was when the figure stepped out from behind the tree and into the dim light, that I realised it wasn't.

It was Uchiha Itachi.

For a moment, I just stood; observed him as he observed me. I had always mused over the idea that if anybody understood my pain, it was him. He was also his clan's prodigy, although on a grander scale than me. I had often wondered what it would be like to talk to him, to regard him as a friend, although we had never spoken a word in reality.

Did he know how I admired him? Caught in the evening light, his beautiful figure stood tall, his jet-black hair caught in a breath of wind that tousled and teased at the loose strands around his face.

"Neji Hyuga." His voice was deep and it cut through the silence as easily as if it were butter; smooth, calm, calculated.

An awkward; "Hello," was all I managed.

"You know it's dangerous out here," he said sternly.

I was going to reply, but he started striding towards me. He stopped just a hairsbreadth too close for my comfort. Raising his hand, he touched my face with cold, cold fingers.

"What are you-"

"Go home," his voice was suddenly harsh, he retreated a few steps.

I blinked and he was gone as if he had melted into the shadows.

Suddenly cold, I began to walk quickly home, trying as best as possible to forget about the strange encounter I'd had with the fascinating Itachi.

The next day at the academy, I was told all about how Itachi had slaughtered his clan.


	2. Chapter 2

_I dreamt of him again._

_His hair is long and chocolate brown, and his rarely-smiling face is still innocent, although I can see pain taking its toll on him. I know he is the only one who will ever experience pain similar to mine, and I wish I could save him._

_However I can't really convince myself that saving him would be for his sake rather than mine._

_I saw him today._

_He was sneaking out as I have watched him do many times, and as I have done many times before, I followed him. I watched him from a distance as usual. He is beautiful, calm, tranquil, and he has eyes which see everything, but they never see me._

_Maybe it was foolish, but I wanted those eyes to see me just once. Maybe I slipped up, but I wanted to touch his skin just a little. Maybe that was my way of saying goodbye to this perfect boy I had never really met._

_And now I know that it was stupid, because later that evening, even as I cut their throats, even as they gasped out their last words, I could think of nothing but the feeling of his skin on the pads of my fingers._

**5 years later:**

I flopped down onto the grass in the cool shade. I caught a strand of hair between my fingers and sighed, watching as my breath stirred the strands into a dance.

"What's your problem?" Tenten peered suspiciously at me.

"Nothing, just tired," I said, examining my hair. Everybody thought my hair was beautiful, but it was never as beautiful as _his _hair_._

After Itachi had slaughtered his clan, the reactions had been mixed. Some were afraid he would return. Some were shocked, others angry. There was a whole range of emotions; disbelief, sorrow and pity. Always pity. Pity for the young Uchiha who was left behind. Pity for Sasuke.

But I could never quite bring myself to resent Itachi for the murders as everybody else had resigned themselves to. All I could do was wonder why.

I had never told anyone about our encounter that day in the woods. I knew it was wrong; I was probably the last person to have seen him, but I liked to think of it as a secret. Something only I shared with him. A moment that needn't be spoiled by other's knowledge of it.

And I would always remember those cold, cold fingers, tracing their way along my jaw, to only just brush the edge of my lips-

"Neji!" Tenten's voice crashed into my train of thought.

"What?"

"Are you even listening to me?" She pouted.

"Sorry, I lost you for a second there."

"Lord knows what you're daydreaming about. Anyway – never mind. I'm going home. Lee's gonna be training all night anyway…" she stalked off.

Had I heard a tinge of hurt in her voice? What had she been talking about that was so important anyway?

I started to walk home, but found myself instinctively going back to the place where I had last seen _him. _I couldn't count how many times I'd been here, how many times I'd walked this route. My body knew it as if it were a reflex; duck behind the bush, slide under the gap in the fence and take cover in the trees so nobody saw you.

I wasn't exactly supposed to be outside the Konoha boundaries, but I didn't care. Maybe this was my way of retaining what little freedom I had left.

Why did I come out here? What did I expect to find? Surely five years of coming here every other day to yield no difference should have taught me that he wasn't coming back?

And why would he come back? He had freed himself from his clan – something I had never managed to do.

Maybe I came here because even in all these years, I had never forgotten his face, never forgotten the feeling of his fingers. Maybe I still hoped that one day, I would emerge into the clearing and he would be standing there; however many times logic told me otherwise.

And as I emerged into the clearing on that particular day, I was glad at my own foolishness; for there, waiting in the same shadow he had stood in five years earlier, stood Itachi Uchiha.


	3. Chapter 3

_I went back there today._

_For five years, I've wanted to return, but convinced myself otherwise. What good would become of it? The chances were that he never came here, and that I would wait and nothing would happen. _

_I went anyway._

_Part of me wanted to see him, and part of me hoped he would stay away. My childish fantasies didn't need encouraging, and upon seeing me he would probably run home and alert the village as to my presence._

_But still; I waited, and he came. _

_I made no attempt to hide myself, and he saw me quickly. I searched his eyes for any traces of fear, but if he felt any, it was well hidden. He stopped in the middle of the clearing; regarding me with those pale eyes; unafraid, but wary._

_And for a moment, we just stood. I watched him as he watched me, but neither of us made any attempt to break the silence._

* * *

Time froze when I saw him standing there. How should I react? Should I be afraid? If he decided to attack me for any reason, I was done for. Somehow, that didn't bother me as much as it should have.

We didn't move or speak; watching each other as one would watch a dangerous predator. Neither of us wanted to make the first move, as if we would break the spell that held us here in this quiet, fractured moment in time.

Then all too fast; a gust of wind, a falling leaf, and the spell broke… Itachi turned and straightened, readying himself to walk away. And I just couldn't let that happen.

It was as if I was standing next to myself, watching somebody unfamiliar control my body; somebody who wasn't used to it, as they stumbled forward, catching themselves with heavy footfalls. He stopped and did not turn when I reached him, and my hand closed over the soft material of his cloak, but I could feel his gaze as crimson orbs slid sideways to glance down at me.

I needed to say something, anything, to get him to stay a little longer. I wanted to know why. Why he had killed his clan. Why he was in the woods that day. Why he was in the woods right now.

"Why are you here?" My voice was quiet.

He turned to face me now. My hand fell from his cloak as he stared at me with impassive eyes. Eyes set above lines so deeply etched into his face it was as if they had been carved there by a blade.

"For you," came the reply.

He stated it so simply, as if it was obvious, but I didn't understand. For me? What did he mean?

And then he raised his hand, as he had done five years ago, and placed it on my face, his slender fingers tracing my jaw once more, and he stepped forward to lessen the gap between us. I could feel his breath, hot on my face as he bent slightly to bring his eyes to the same level as mine.

I should have been ashamed that such a simple action could render me so helpless, so utterly immobilized. For a split second, I thought he was going to kiss me, but instead he straightened and turned, striding off into the shadows like he had done five years ago.

Later that evening I found a single black hair stuck to my shirt.

* * *

_A/N: So I realise that this is going very slowly, and I apologise for that, but I'd rather update it in small well written pieces than long boring chapters that I have to force myself to write. Much love; Rushi-sama :3_


	4. Chapter 4

_I've been following him lately._

_I know he sees me; his byakugan is flawless. Sometimes he glances at me, but I'm not trying to hide – from him anyway. If the others saw me there might be some trouble._

_I've been trying to pinpoint what it is about him that fascinates me so, and I can't decide. When he moves, he does it with grace. When he trains, I can see he's holding back. He's one of the few people that doesn't mindlessly fear me, and it's refreshing._

_But most of all, I love how on those rare occasions that he does look at me; it feels as if he can see right down into my soul._

_And I love how I don't mind._

* * *

Itachi is one with the shadows, I've convinced myself. When he doesn't want to be seen, he won't be seen.

Which is strange, because lately I've been noticing him everywhere.

I first saw him when I arrived for training. He was sitting motionless in a tree, invisible to the others. But he clearly wasn't hiding himself from me.

During training that day I could hardly keep my eyes off him.

We'd become comfortable at a distance. I catch glimpses of him everywhere. Sometimes just beyond the Konoha boundary, sometimes at the training grounds, and once, just once, at the very edge of the Hyuga prefecture.

He smiled at me that time. It was so brief I could have imagined it; I blinked and he was gone.

What was I doing? I was supposed to be the perfectly behaved Neji Hyuga. Why was I suddenly keeping secret the fact that I knew the whereabouts of a dangerous mass murderer?

The truth was that every time I thought somebody other than me might have seen him, my breath hitched.

Just a little though.

* * *

A/N:_ I realize that this was the shortest chapter known to man (and again I apologise for taking my time with the plot and so on…), but I'm actually really busy and I wasn't planning on updating AT ALL today… or for a while actually… but I couldn't resist adding just a little more… :3_


	5. Chapter 5

_I've taken a liking to watching him sleep._

_He is peaceful; his breathing slow. Muscles that are usually tense relax. You wouldn't know how on guard he usually is until you see him resting._

_When his expression softens like that, he almost looks like he needs protecting. He almost looks vulnerable._

_And it scares me how badly I want to be the one to protect him._

_My attention has wandered; I've let my guard slip, and when I look back at him he is sitting up in bed, regarding me with pale eyes._

* * *

It was the strangest feeling to wake up in the middle of the night and see Itachi sitting on my windowsill. He looks at me and presses a finger to his lips, as if I would make a sound.

Moonlight becomes him well; draining the colour from his figure and turning him into a silhouette. All of him is black but his eyes. Those red eyes that I could just about drown in…

We regard each other; Byakugan to Sharingan, and vice versa. I don't want to break the silence, but nor does he. However I don't want to let him overwhelm me as I have in our past encounters. I don't want him to leave as fast as he has before.

"Why are you here?" I ask for the second time, but in more hushed tones, for fear of waking others in the building.

"I have already answered that question," he states.

"I don't understand." I'm confused. He needs to explain further.

He sighs and doesn't say anything. Then he gets up, and drifts towards me. For the third time, he places a hand on my cheek. He leans down and looks into my eyes, breathing out, his other hand pushing hair back out of my eyes.

And again, I'm immobile.

Then he leans closer and his lips are on mine.

There are no words to describe my surprise, but I'm kissing back regardless. I've never been _this _close to anybody before; I've never felt the need to be. But now, I want to be closer, closer…

My hands grip his cloak, pulling him in to me. His hands leave my face, skate down my neck and begin to roam my body, gliding over my chest, committing it to memory.

I stifle a moan when I feel his tongue on my bottom lip. I part my lips slightly and suddenly his tongue is in my mouth. I loop my arms around his waist to pull him closer, and he loses his balance, falling down on top of me.

Finally, but far too soon, he breaks the kiss and using his arms to support himself, looks down at me with an unreadable expression.

I'm far less composed, looking up at him with wide eyes, my breath coming in ragged gasps; I must look a mess.

"Now do you understand?" He smirks.

Calming myself a little (on the outside anyway; nothing could slow my erratic heartbeat), I manage to clear my mind enough to find my sense of humour.

"Not sure if I completely got that. Would you mind… um… re-explaining?"

It was one of those perfect moments when Itachi smiled. He leans down to kiss me again, but this time it's soft, chaste… less physical and more emotional.

He gets up off me now. He's hesitant, his body angled towards the window, but he's looking at me. I realise he's about to leave and my heart sinks.

"Stay," I whisper.

There is a slightly pained expression on his face, but he smiles at me. Then he sighs, and walks back to me, sitting on the edge of the bed, taking off his shoes. He lies down next to me, legs crossed, hands behind his head.

I roll closer to him, snuggling against his body. He puts one arm around me.

"Will you be here in the morning?" I yawn.

"Do you want me to be here in the morning?"

Yes. I want you to be here every morning, I want to say. And every night, and every day and every single moment in between. I don't ever want to leave his side.

"Yes," I say instead.

As I'm drifting off to sleep I hear him sigh.

"You have too much power over me, Neji…" He whispers more to himself than to me.

I fall asleep with him running his fingers through my hair, over and over.

* * *

A/N: _Yes I know, I haven't updated for like 2 weeks... and yes I'm a terrible human... sorry :(_

_Truth is, I've been very busy, and I was sick, and I've had terrible writers block (this chapter was hard to write...) and I've had idea for a Kuroshitsuji fanfic lately that have been clouding my mind up lately..._

_Well anyway, hope you enjoy (and for you people who notice this kind of thing; yes the tense change is intentional)... much love, Rushi-sama :3_


	6. Chapter 6

_I am watching him sleep again, but this time, he is curled into the crook of my side._

_I've become caught up in the way his breath stirs his hair when he wakes. He blinks up at me, clearing the sleep from his eyes, the picture of innocence._

_He reaches up, and my breath catches when he presses his lips to mine. I'm more than happy to kiss back. As we pull apart I catch a piece of his hair between my fingers. As soft as silk._

"_I have to go," I say softly, not meeting his eyes. I feel his hands catching on my wrist as I stand to leave. I won't look at him. I can't._

"_You're always going." I can hear the sadness in his voice. If I look at him now I will never be able to leave._

"_This isn't forever, Neji."_

_I'm not sure where the words came from but as soon as they leave my mouth, I know it's true. How can we be together forever? It would never work._

"_Then what _is _it?" Neji asks. I can hear the hurt he is trying to hide. I feel his hands drop from my wrist._

_I don't answer, because the truth is, I don't know. All I know is that I didn't stop this boy from falling too hard, too fast when I know I should have._

_But more importantly I didn't stop myself._

* * *

I'd been in a bad mood all day. I couldn't get my mind off the events of this morning, and, what if he wasn't coming back? What if that was the last time I'd ever see him.

These thoughts made me feel numb, so I pushed them away.

At this particular moment, I was standing in front of Tenten, who was babbling excitedly about some upcoming event, and "Oh, _everyone's _going to be there,". As hard as I tried, I couldn't muster up enough interest to pay attention.

Suddenly she caught my interest as she placed both her hands over mine.

"So are you going?" she was looking at me with an expression I couldn't decipher.

"Umm, where?"

"The dance!" she gives me a dirty look. "Have you seriously not listened to a THING I've said?"

"Isn't that more for, you know, couples?" I say, avoiding the question. So _that's _what she's been chattering about.

"I guess so, but it would still be fun to go!" she pouts. "I've been talking about it _all week _Neji. You've been ignoring me, haven't you?"

"No, really, I haven't…" I lie. She seems satisfied with this and continues.

"So you didn't say whether you were going or not…?" That strange expression crosses her face again.

"I wasn't planning to."

"Oh." Her face falls.

"What? Why are you looking like that?"

"I was… I… I was just kinda hoping that…"

"What?" I'm getting impatient.

"That… you would, umm, go to the dance… with me." She gulps and then looks hopefully back up at me.

_Oh._

Something clicks in my mind then. She's trying to be _flirtatious. _

There had always been some speculation between the younger generation in Konoha about whether Tenten and I were secretly in a relationship. Or if not; whether we had (and I quote) '_a thing'_ for each other.

The answer was no in my case.

It's not that I dislike her; I find her to be extremely skilled with a kunai. And I don't find her unattractive; I'd have to say she's one of the prettiest in Konoha.

But I'd never really had 'a thing' for her. It had never worked like that in my mind.

And now, with Itachi around, I…

…I remind myself not to think about that.

"I can't go."

"Why not?"

"Uhh, I have a… family meeting." I've resorted to making lame (and fabricated) excuses.

"Hinata's going."

"A branch family meeting."

"OK, well, sorry about that." She sighs. "Maybe next time."

She tries to send me a nonchalant grin, but I can see that she's hurt. Hell – she's crushed. I do feel bad for her; I really do. As she walks home, I can see her shoulders shake a bit; she's crying.

But I could never had said yes; I'd be leading her on.

For as she was talking to me; the one thing that stuck on replay in my mind was; '_Tenten, your hands aren't as soft as Itachi's.'_

* * *

_A/N: Yes! It has been forever! Believe me, I had no intentions of leaving this fanfic abandoned for so long, but one thing led to another, and last week I was scuba diving, faaaar away from my laptop so... hehehe (awkwardly scratches head)._

_Aaaaaanyway, this chapter focuses a bit more on Tenten, hope you enjoy!_


	7. Chapter 7

I wasn't angry at him, exactly. I was hurt though; very hurt.

It's not like I had envisioned spending the years together as a happy couple or anything like that, but I had never imagined him _not _being here. He made me happy… Not that I had been depressed or miserable before, but looking back; I could never remember being truly and purely _happy _about anything.

That night, fleeting visions swam vaguely through my dreams, of me going with him when he left. I didn't know where we were going. I didn't care. Open fields and small towns… we passed them all. Smiling, laughing, talking. And he held my hand through it all…

I woke up, blindly groping for the hand I'd held moments before, before realising I was in my bed and it was still night.

Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes when I recalled the pleasant dream.

I could never go with him. I could never leave Konoha. The main family would find me, they would control me. They would bring me back, and possibly kill him…

"Why are you crying?" Itachi had silently crept up on me, and I felt the mattress dip under his weight as he said this.

"I had a dream." I wiped the tears away, ashamed to have let him see me so _weak_. Crying over a _dream_? Pathetic…

"A nightmare?" He was lying on his side, head resting on one hand, expression soft.

"No… it was a nice dream."

"Then… why are you crying?"

"I'm sad it's over."

We lapsed into a comfortable silence after that; his curiosity seemingly satisfied. Silence seemed to be our thing; we didn't need to talk. And so we just lay there, with me looking at the ceiling, feeling his eyes on my face.

But this time _he _broke the silence.

"What was it about?"

I pondered whether to answer truthfully for a moment. Was it okay to tell someone that you were so… _infatuated _with them that they even appeared in your dreams? Was that normal?

Then I figured that whatever was going on between Itachi and I definitely wasn't _normal_.

"You," I sighed. "And me." I added, after a couple seconds.

"Oh? And what were we doing?"

"Travelling. Together." I wondered if he could hear the unhappiness in my voice.

"Where to?"

"I don't know."

"Neji," He wore a slightly pained expression. "You know we can't –"

"Yes, I know." I cut him off. I couldn't help but sound slightly annoyed. He was going to tell me that we couldn't be together. He was going to tell me that I couldn't go with him when he left – and I knew. I _knew. _I just didn't want to hear him say it.

There was a short silence, and then –

"I'm sorry."

When I looked at his face, I could tell he meant it. He was smiling, in that pained apologetic manner people smile when they apologize for something they can't help.

I rolled over to face him and placed a hand on his cheek.

"Don't be," I smile.

"I don't want to hurt you…" his voice was soft, barely a whisper. "But-"

"There's no way you can't, right?"

"Yes."

"Then don't be sorry."

"It's just that I-"

I cut him off by placing a finger against his lips.

"Ssh. You don't have to explain yourself to me."

He pulls me closer into an embrace, burying his face in my hair. I rest my chin on his shoulder. We lie in silence again. I almost think he has fallen asleep when he sighs into my neck.

"I want to stay with you. Believe me, I really do." I feel the vibrations from his voice box running through my neck and chest.

"Then stay." I try to say it casually, but my voice cracks a little.

"Neji… There are things I have to do-"

"Don't tell me. I'd rather you didn't tell me."

"But-"

"If you tell me, I will have people to blame for losing you. If you tell me, I will try and follow you. If you tell me…then…there's no knowing what I'll do."

He pulls back and looks into my eyes. He doesn't say anything, but I can tell he's accepted this, and won't try to explain his future plans to me anymore.

"I'd be jealous of anybody that became involved in your future. It's better like this," I whisper.

He leans forward again and kisses my neck over and over again. The feeling is intoxicating. I close my eyes.

"I'll accept that your plans are important to you and respect them," I whisper, shivering as he presses more kisses to my throat and collarbone. "As long as you don't tell me anything about them."

He's moved up to my ear now, nibbling on my earlobe.

"Don't even tell me when you're going to leave."

"I won't." he whispers right into my ear.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

* * *

_He is stronger than I thought._

_Not physically, no, but emotionally. I had expected him to be hurt, but more so. I had expected him to sulk, to accuse me of taking advantage of him and to beg me to stay._

_If he has a flaw, it is that he accepts me too readily. Although he really surprised me when he didn't want to hear my excuses. _

_I still thought it was wrong; me hanging around like this. I thought I should distance myself from him, I thought it would make leaving easier. I thought it would be best for him._

_When I mentioned it to him all he said was;_

"_You said this isn't forever; the way I see it, that's more of a reason to stay."_

* * *

_A/N: There. Another chapter to keep you happy, and not to keep you waiting. Much love :)_


	8. Chapter 8

Sometimes, things that you never intended to happen, happen. And let me assure you, there is no way I intended… _this _to happen.

He'd come to me a few nights in a row, and he had lain with me till morning. But on the fourth night, things went differently.

It had started out, like most nights, with kissing. Kissing was addictive. I'd never understood it before, but now, kissing was one of the things I spent a lot of my spare time thinking about. Well, kissing _Itachi _in particular.

Tonight though, things felt different. More hurried. Rougher. It didn't take him long to climb on top of me, sweep his tongue into my mouth, and claw both of our hair out of their constraints.

I didn't know how to respond when he started taking my shirt off, so I let him.

By the time I realised what was happening it was too late for me to care. My self-restraint had long since dissipated along with the kisses and touches and caresses that felt far too good to be true.

* * *

Afterwards, I lay there trying to contemplate what had just happened… what _we _had just _done._

Should I feel guilt? I couldn't find any traces of regretting it anywhere in my mind.

I thought about laying these questions to Itachi, but he had left almost immediately after, without saying a word.

For once, I hadn't tried to stop him.

* * *

_I couldn't lie to myself._

_I couldn't pretend that I hadn't seen this coming, but selfishly, I had ignored it._

_I had been so careful up until that point. I had told myself over and over that I would never do __**this**__ kind of thing to him. But in the back of my mind, that same old desire kept making itself known whenever I was close to him._

_And finally I had snapped._

_I thought about leaving then and there, it wasn't fair on him for me to stick around when I forced him into __**such **__things. However, I knew I wasn't strong enough to go._

_I am such a fool._

* * *

_A/N: Hmm. I seem to be back to these annoyingly short chapters. And you know I'm not even going to apologise for the wait because I'm sure you're all sick of my excuses… and you may have noticed I've been working on other fics during the time lapse :/_

_Oh, and don't blame me for sucking at sex scenes._


	9. Chapter 9

_The time for me to leave was drawing nearer._

_I knew I should have left, then and there, but I couldn't pretend I wasn't going to leave until the last moment possible._

_However, I didn't want him to see me just yet._

_I was still ashamed with myself over my actions a few nights ago, but I couldn't lie and pretend I hadn't __**enjoyed **__it; it had been the best feeling I had ever experienced. _

_I watched him sleep again. But this time, I arrived after he fell asleep, and after he woke up. I told myself that I would give it a couple of days before I presented myself to him._

_I wouldn't blame him if he told me to leave though._

_The second night he had a nightmare._

_I watched his face contort and twist as he was continually tormented in his dreams. A light sheen of sweat covered his face and his body thrashed around violently._

_I knew I would never be able to keep away._

* * *

I couldn't help but worry when Itachi didn't come to me the night after we slept together.

Had he left already?

A slight panic gnawed at the edge of my mind all day, and I began to feel slightly paranoid. I was never as strong as I had acted in front of Itachi.

That night I had a nightmare.

It was vague and hazy; the details obscure, but one thing I knew for certain. Itachi was gone.

My movement was restricted, by what, I couldn't tell because I couldn't see.

It seemed that my byakugan wasn't working either, because nothing I did could get past the blur in my vision.

Then; pain.

It was maddening not knowing where the pain was coming from, not knowing when it was coming, but it came. I screamed aloud.

I sat up, heart beat quick and breath falling to short. I could feel how I was sweating, and the panic still clawed unforgivingly at my mind.

Then the panic dissipated when I felt strong arms wrap around me and hold me tightly, as if they were holding me together.

I pressed back against Itachi, who stroked my hair soothingly.

"I thought you weren't coming back."

"Not quite yet," he murmured into my hair.

I wondered how I would ever live without him now.

* * *

_A/N: I should probably warn you guys that this story won't have a happy ending. Happy endings have never been my speciality._


	10. Chapter 10

_I almost went back on what I'd promised to do._

_It takes a lot of self-sacrifice, they say, to devote your life entirely to someone else, or for the greater good. I'd never really had anything to lose before, so I had been the perfect candidate for what I was chosen for._

_But now, as I sat on his windowsill and watched him sleep, knowing that I would have to leave within the next few days, I almost reconsidered._

_But I didn't._

_I knew regret lay in every path of my life. If I went, I lost him. If I stayed, everything I worked for would be nothing._

_I'd never wanted anything in my life so much though._

* * *

The next night I woke to see him sitting on my windowsill.

He was so lost in thought he didn't even notice me sit down beside him.

I leant against him and he hooked an arm around my shoulders. We lapsed into silence as usual.

"Do you regret it?" I asked after a while.

He looked down at me.

"No. Well, yes. A little. It's more guilt than regret."

I had given much thought to it over the past few days, and finally made up my mind on the matter. I didn't say anything and leant further onto his shoulder.

"Do **you** regret it?"

"No."

Suddenly, he scooped me up into his arms and stood. He smiled at my confused expression.

"It's late, you should sleep," he explained.

"It's not like _you_ ever sleep," I mumbled.

He just chuckled.

It felt like we were back to normal, if that's what you could call it.

However, I couldn't explain why I was suddenly noticing how beautiful the pale skin of his collarbone was in the moonlight, or how muscular his arms were.

He dumped me on the bed, and before he could turn to leave, I grabbed his sleeve.

Our eyes locked.

"What…" he trailed off when I leaned up to kiss him.

I could see my own desire reflected in his eyes, but it was hesitant.

"Please," was all I had to say to make myself understood.

Then I couldn't quite stop myself from kissing him over and over again. He pressed back into the kisses.

"No stop," he gasped between kisses. "We can't-"he broke off as I kissed him again, "-do this."

I stopped kissing him.

"Why not?"

"I don't want to hurt you.

"You won't."

"I feel guilty."

"Don't."

That was all it took before I physically _saw _his self-restraint snap. He pressed me back down into the bed and kissed me.

Kissed however, isn't really the right word. His arms encircled me and crushed me to him. I felt his tongue in my mouth, aggressively pushing mine back. I felt his hands run over every inch of my back and chest.

It was more an infiltration than a kiss.

We broke apart, gasping. Not just me this time though, him as well.

Albeit hesitantly, he started taking off my shirt again.

* * *

_A/N: It's midterm break which means you get your next chapter early! :3_


	11. Chapter 11

_He was training alone the morning I had to leave._

_I had to see him, just once more. There was something I needed to say, though I wasn't entirely sure what it was._

_After the previous night, I had tried to draw out that familiar guilt that had come so easily to me the first time we slept together, but there was none._

_He saw me as I approached, openly and from a distance._

_When I had closed the space between us, my hands instinctively reached his face, brushing the hair back as usual._

"_You shouldn't be here. Someone could come and-"_

_I silenced him with a kiss._

"_I don't care."_

* * *

I was surprised when Itachi came to me in the open like that, and I couldn't help but worry about the risks.

When I felt his lips on mine, there was something different and more _tender_ about the kiss.

And suddenly, I knew. He was leaving.

I felt the tears on my face, but didn't try to hide them.

"You're leaving aren't you?"

"I promised I wouldn't tell you."

Then he pulled me close and just held me there. My tears dripped slowly, silently onto the shoulder of his shirt.

"Neji…"

I looked up at him. There was something he wanted to say, but obviously he was struggling with it.

"Neji, I love you."

He looked me straight in the eye, and again I wished and _wished _he wasn't going.

"I love you too."

We kissed again... and it was slow and sensual and _regretful. _I didn't need to tell him my heart was breaking right there on the spot.

"Will I ever see you again?"

He closed his eyes for a moment.

"No."

* * *

I'd been watching him leave for a while now. I didn't feel the sadness yet, just numbness pulsing through my body.

I wondered how I'd go on without him. How would I pull myself together to face another day when I was so _broken?_

My mind was so clouded, and yet, I realised that I was… strangely _glad_ he hadn't given me forever.

Because forever would never have been enough.

My fingers traced his silhouette before he completely disappeared into the morning sky.

* * *

_A/N: This is the end. I am a horrible person. I always knew_ _it wasn't going to have a happy ending, but this was just mean to you guys. I'm sorry :'(_

_I'm not promising anything (because I have commitment issues) but there might in the (distant) future be a shorter sequel to this. So keep an eye out if you're interested._

_I love you all. Please don't hate me._


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